 Golfing Jokes |
| Posted On Aug 7, 2008 at 10:56 PM |
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Mark
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Location: West Yorkshire
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A man and his wife walked into the dentists .
The man said to the dentist, "I'm in one hell of a hurry! I have two friends sitting in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it.I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"
The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is a very brave man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain."
So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, darling, and show the dentist which tooth hurts." 
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 Re: Golfing Jokes |
| Posted On Aug 9, 2008 at 6:44 PM |
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JonJones
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Last Visit: Dec 22, 2008
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The golf pro Prayer
The Pro is my Shepherd,
I shall not Slice.
He maketh me to Drive Straight
Down Green Fairways;
He leadeth me Safely
across Still Water-Hazards;
He restoreth my Approach Shots.
He Leadeth me in the Paths of
Accuracy for my Game's Sake.
Yea, though I chip through the Roughs
in the shadows of Sand Traps,
I will fear no Bogies.
For his Advice is with me;
His Putter and Irons,
they confort me.
He prepareth my Strategy for me
in the presence of mine Opponents;
He anointeth my head with Confidence:
The Cup will not be runneth over!
Surely Birdies and Eagles shall follow
me all the Rounds of my Life,
And I will score in the Low Eighties
Amen
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| Re: Golfing Jokes |
| Posted On Aug 9, 2008 at 7:01 PM |
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JonJones
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Different meanings
A couple met on holiday and fell in love. They were discussing how they would continue the relationship after their holidays were over. "It's only fair to warn you, Jane, I'm a golf nut. I live, eat, sleep and breathe golf."
"Well, since you're being honest, so will I," she said. "I'm a hooker."
"I see," said Bill as he thought for a moment. "Well, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."
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 Re: Golfing Jokes |
| Posted On Aug 18, 2008 at 5:08 PM |
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JonJones
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A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf and enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy.
Being a hack golfer, he played poorly all day long. Round about the 18th hole, he spotted a lake off to the left of the fairway. He looked at the caddy and said, "I have played so poorly all day, I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake."
The caddy looked back at the hack golfer and replied, "I don't think you could keep your head down that long."
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| Re: Golfing Jokes |
| Posted On Sep 7, 2008 at 8:34 PM |
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Mark
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It was a sunny Saturday morning, a little before 8 a.m. A golfer was on the first hole at his local Golf Club, beginning his pre-shot routine, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker:
"Would the gentleman on the women's tee back up to the men's tee please"
Every eye on the course was looking at him. He was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.
Again the announcement: "Would the man on the women's tee kindly back up to the men's tee."
Our golfer agian simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating. The voice once more yelled, "Would the man on the women's tee back up to the men's tee. Please!"
At this he finally stopped, turned around, and shouted back ... "Would the jerk with the microphone please keep quiet and let me play my second shot!"
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| Re: Golfing Jokes |
| Posted On Dec 10, 2008 at 7:49 PM |
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JonJones
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I read this on a sign and thought it was funny, hope you do too.
TOP TEN REASONS WHY GOLF IS BETTER THATN SEX
10. You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
9. Your partner doesn't hire a solicitor if you play with somebody else.
8. You don't have to cuddle your partner when you have finished.
7. If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it.
6. A below par performance is considered really good.
5. If you live in a warm climate, you can do it every day.
4. You can still make money doing it as a senior.
3. It's much easier to find the wet spot.
2. Three times a day is possible.
1. Foursomes are encouraged!!
Last edited on Dec 10, 2008 at 7:58 PM by JonJones.
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